I just opened my black book this evening. Yes, my actual black book. The physical book that originally inspired the name of this blog in the first place. I was turning page after page until I found my eyes were starting to shed tears. But it wasn’t a sad tear. It was a joyful tear, a gratitude tear.
So, I wrote some verses I got on August 21st, 2017. If I am not mistaken that was the time when I was still uncertain about my plan to leave the country and buy a one-way ticket to Germany. I remember I prayed a lot that time because I was so confused after my graduation about what-next-kind of thing. I know…I know it happens to everyone. It might be not a big deal, it’s just a life phase. But for a 22-year-old girl at that time, it was such a big deal for sure!
Well, I prayed a lot, and apparently, I read the Bible more than I usually did. I’m not sure if I got those verses from daily devotion or I just randomly found them. You know when you feel like reading the bible and you just open it, and it ends up at a certain verse or certain passage. It seems ‘random’ if I see it from my perspective. But from my Father’s perspective, it is definitely as He has already planned.
But I’m sure it was in the morning because I remember I ran to my mom in the kitchen after I wrote down these verses and told her what was just happened.
The first one was from John 14,
1 Don’t be worried! Have faith in God and have faith in me.
14 If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.
27 I give you peace, the kind of peace that only I can give. It isn’t like the peace that this world can give. So don’t be worried or afraid.
That verse touched my heart and gave me strength. I did worry; I was also so afraid about everything. This passage is talking about when Jesus was comforting His disciples after saying that they can’t come to where He was going; verse 36 Simon Peter asked him, Lord, where are you going? Jesus replied, where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later. He was comforting his disciples, He asked them to believe His inclusion. And so to me. He talked to me through His Words, that I shouldn’t be worried.
If…
(Then He saw me this verse) John 15,
5 I am the vine, and you are the branches. If you stay joined to me, and I stay joined to you, then you will produce lots of fruit. But you can’t do anything without me.
7 Stay joined to me and let my teachings become part of you. Then you can pray for whatever you want, and your prayer will be answered.
If… I remain in him, and his words remain in me.
God wanted to make a point in this passage, that I should stay with Him. Because little did I know, the world is such a dangerous and terrible place if I don’t keep his word in my heart and his teachings as part of me. So then I will bear much fruit to glorify my Father and show myself to be his disciple, which I’m unable to do if I’m far from Him.
And then He saw me another verse. It’s from Matthew 7,
7 Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you.
When we’re talking about his words especially in this context, we’re not talking about a wish-granting factory, where you can just ask whatever your flesh desires. It’s not talking about asking for a fancy job with good money so that you can buy everything you want or asking to travel the world so you can show up some pictures on your Instagram or just to feel your freedom.
It’s about asking something that will glorify his name. Of course, my 22-year-old me didn’t even realize if what I asked for back then will glorify him or not. But do you know the feeling when you need to do something, necessarily, even though you’re not sure enough how to do it? You just do it, right? I think that was exactly what I felt. The need to leave my comfort zone was so strong at that time. So, I asked Him in my prayer that he could open the door for me. And He opened it, right away. I even just needed to wait two days until I got my visa. TWO DAYS! which is very rare because mostly, people take weeks or months to get one. And it was just one of many other things how I felt his presence along the way.
But He was not done yet, He saw me another verse from Proverbs 16,
1 We humans make plans, but the Lord has the final word.
2 We may think we know what is right, but the Lord is the judge of your motives.
3 Share your plans with the Lord, and you will succeed.
I did have plans back then. Of course, I was not crazy enough to leave the country without any plan. But my plan was not so steady, and it was such a rough plan. And I thought what I planned for was right, but again, the Lord see my heart and judge my actual motives.
There are some changes because I planned some things that didn’t please him. And now I’d say nothing but grateful that he changed them. Because of course, they are better than mine. Much much better, more beautiful, and unpredictable!
Those verses strengthened me a lot. And now I can see clearly why God brought them to me. They were just like a lunch box full of bread my Father prepared for me before I leave the house so that later I won’t be hungry. Because what I found that morning is what I need a year or even years later. The feeling of fullness, the satiety that I get after eating what is inside my lunch box can’t be replaced by any other food that the world gives. And the peace that I got after I came to him is a peace I couldn’t find in any other place.
